I shall art what I want to art because I believe that art — even incompetent art — is a uniquely eloquent, genuine, and honest expression of one’s self and perspective. This liberation, in my mind, will accomplish three things:
1. I will be doing something I enjoy. I like drawing, painting, sketching, etc., and even though I’m really no good at it, it still makes me happy.
2. I will be expressing myself. I believe this to be extremely important, no matter who or what you are. I don’t think you should force yourself to do something you don’t like, but you should never refrain from expressing yourself in a certain way simply because you’re not “good at it.” So I will be expressing myself and I feel that to be a positive thing.
3. I’ll probably get better at it. Believe it or not, I used to actually be able to draw a lot better than I can now, and I know that I’ll get better if I practice more. I’ll never be as good as SayRaw or my brother; I don’t have that innate talent. But I will get better, and getting better will enable me to further express myself, which will make me even happier with my work, which will encourage me to do more, which will make me even better. That’s basically the plan.
I don’t really know why I’m analyzing this, or announcing it. But I felt like doing.
For me, knowing I’m horrible at something but doing it anyway just for the hell of it is kind of a big step, I guess.
Also, I went roller skating today, despite the fact that I have lost all ability to do so with any competence.
Basically, I feel like I’m becoming a lot more comfotable with myself as a person and I like it. I’m definitely not “there” yet, but I’m a hell of a lot closer and that’s pretty cool to me.